Let me tell you some thing about

Let me tell you something about lunchtimes at PBS. Seconds before the bell rings everybody gets excited waiting for the loud sound to hit their ears. As soon as the bell rings everybody rushes like a herd of bison going through a small door. When we get outside I dig my through the bags to find my lunch, it looks almost curved like a colourful basketball made out of clay. While we are eating we wait for somebody to walk down the stairs with a handball. As soon as we see the little round ball we react in excitement and start running down the stairs screaming like a bunch of little girls in a concert. We mark our square in the handball grid making people howl in anger because they got out and taunt in happiness when they skim somebody out. The juniors run down the concrete hill screeching endlessly like a bunch of annoying bees stinging you everytime you look at them. On the field the senior boys are playing rugby scoring tries and running down the field back and forth like a ninja people jumping and flying through the air. They don’t seem to notice some boys on the ground in pain. All this happens while the teachers are in the staffroom resting and watching us like a hawk from distances away. Even though sometimes we are in mischief lunchtimes are always fun.

Today in Writing we have talked about lunchtimes in PBS and what happens at during this time. One of the important things that I did in my writing was to make sure I used powerful words and language features to hook in the readers. I suggested what my buddy had to delete and add to help him make sure his writing made sense. Next time in my writing I need to proofread carefully and slowly.